I will work harder

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I woke up this morning with the horse from Animal Farm in my head saying “I will work harder”. I guess this was brought on by a slightly deflated self-image after my first day writing at home. It was harder than I though it would be. I felt a little scattered and frustrated that I didn’t meet the imaginary goals I set for myself, which would be something like- massive amounts of work done quickly, correctly and with a smile.

So its not surprising that I didn’t live up to that but I did learn this.  I have to balance the editing with the creative. I compiled all of the crit notes that I had on the prologue and chp1. Then I started a re-write on the prologue. That took about three hrs. Then my brain started to melt so I switched to typing up poems that I am getting ready for a business fair. Did that for another hr.

All in all it was a productive day, so why do I feel like I need to do more today? Protestant work ethic? High level of professionalism? Not wanting to epically fail? I think a bit of all of it. If I’m going to do something I don’t do it half way and I want to do it well.So I find myself embarking on a new career and expecting to be an expert at it instantly. I think this is a new form of insanity called “over-achiever-ism” oh wait…that ones been around forever.

So I’m taking this moment before I head off to yoga class to decide what I what my day to be like. It can be rewarding and I can learn more about the new thing that I am changing my life into or it can be stressful, disappointing and knock my confidence down one more peg. I choose the former. Today I will give myself the grace I gave my students for seven years to be brave and try something new knowing that it might not go well believing that it more than likely will be other wise.

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4 responses »

  1. You deserve that grace and the time it takes to do well what you are doing now. Quality over quantity: this is nothing to stress over. I can relate to feeling less-than-accomplished, though. It has taken me 3 days to buy a car – a thing I could have done in a single afternoon back home – and by the end I was so stressed I wanted to give up. Let your writing take the time it takes- it will be better for it, and so will you. I believe in you, and know you will succeed as you never thought you could.

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