I woke up this morning with the horse from Animal Farm in my head saying “I will work harder”. I guess this was brought on by a slightly deflated self-image after my first day writing at home. It was harder than I though it would be. I felt a little scattered and frustrated that I didn’t meet the imaginary goals I set for myself, which would be something like- massive amounts of work done quickly, correctly and with a smile.
So its not surprising that I didn’t live up to that but I did learn this. I have to balance the editing with the creative. I compiled all of the crit notes that I had on the prologue and chp1. Then I started a re-write on the prologue. That took about three hrs. Then my brain started to melt so I switched to typing up poems that I am getting ready for a business fair. Did that for another hr.
All in all it was a productive day, so why do I feel like I need to do more today? Protestant work ethic? High level of professionalism? Not wanting to epically fail? I think a bit of all of it. If I’m going to do something I don’t do it half way and I want to do it well.So I find myself embarking on a new career and expecting to be an expert at it instantly. I think this is a new form of insanity called “over-achiever-ism” oh wait…that ones been around forever.
So I’m taking this moment before I head off to yoga class to decide what I what my day to be like. It can be rewarding and I can learn more about the new thing that I am changing my life into or it can be stressful, disappointing and knock my confidence down one more peg. I choose the former. Today I will give myself the grace I gave my students for seven years to be brave and try something new knowing that it might not go well believing that it more than likely will be other wise.