There is a battle in my brain every day when I sit down to the computer to write. You can, you can’t , you will, you won’t. It’s like I have a split personality up there. One moment I’m sure that everything that I am writing is total crap and this is going to blow up in my face; and the next my ego is having a field day telling me it’s in the bag.
I stand in the middle ringing my hands, yelling “shut up” at the top of my lungs.
In the moment that follows I feel childish, confused and wonder if life is supposed to be this way. But how is life “supposed” to be? Does that mean easy, meaningful, inspiring, viable? I’m not sure.
I know that went I do get it my heart feels open, my mind is there in the background and my fingers listen to the conversations of my character’s and document, not create them. I guess this is why it is so frustrating when the flow is inhibited because I know what its like when it’s not.
So I’m taking a breath and reminding myself that I don’t have to be “the best” I just have to be me.