I used to hate to meditate. The idea of sitting motionless for more than five minuets seemed impossible. Also I had a couple of bad starts. The first time things were going well. I was going to a class on meditation and having some interesting experiences but then I started having some very interesting experience and it freaked me out so I stopped. The second time I had joined two different classes with my husband, we went through a rough patch and that “togetherness” went out the window.
I found myself again drawn to quiet but afraid of what might happen or that I just couldn’t do it “right”. Thank God for yoga, it had opened so many doors in my life. I started out just doing flows and Asanas but there is something about the nature of yoga that won’t let you do it half way, at least not for me. So there I was in my study trying to breathe, it seems like a simple thing- to breathe- but when your entire mind is telling you can’t do something or you should be doing something else it becomes difficult.
Eventually I was doing yoga for an hour every day but somehow this was not enough. My body felt great and I had so much more energy and focus but something was still missing. I felt glimpses of what I had been chasing in savasana-corps pose at the end of my practice. So I tentatively sat and listened. I tried to pay attention to what I was drawn to. I thought about my old meditation experiences and tried to see what had helped and hindered me.
I realized that expectation and displaced anger had done a lot to block me. But when I thought about the good things, the benefits I realized that there had always been two things in common animals and Mudras. (A Mudra is a hand position that helps to focus and contain your energy during meditation.) So I began the path to my own spiritual practice.
Now I wake up every morning and give myself an hour to just commune with my spirit. I need this time to remember who I am, to love myself and envision the day I want to create, not the day I get handed. It has become a powerful tool in my life for peace and awareness. Regardless of the practice or modality, I wish each person the chance to feel the divine at depth to know that love is always with them, every day in their hearts and the hearts of others.