Tomorrow we begin…again

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So the office is complete and Jared goes to work tomorrow. I am in a slight panic that my “whole” life is not planned out to the millisecond. I know how “type A” it sounds but the hyper organized teacher in me is all up in my creative sides face about my “lesson plans.” I don’t have a new schedule figured out, I don’t know what I want to work on and I’m not sure I can even think past he fact that there is no couch or chair in the living room to sit on.

Aside from that all is well, over 90% of the house it together and as it should be. The boys are settling in and I’ve never seen Sandy be so playful or adventuresome, I think this change has been really good for him. Mr.P (Pascal) has taken over the upper floor of the house. He sleeps there at night and most of the day because the other boys are too busy chasing us around to be bothered.

We are working on a “no cat in the bed room policy.” I know if I can out last them then they will find their own spots around the house to sleep in. Unfortunately, there are not many soft locations, so that is deterring them a bit. But soon we will have some living room furniture.

In the mean time I am freaking out about work, or my lack their of. I think I am going to take a break from the books that I have been working on for the past four years and start outlining and researching a project that I have been thinking about for a long time. It is literary fiction and has no fantastical elements but we’ll see. I’m just so sick of looking at the first three chapters of my novel over and over again. I think I will finish writing the second novel in the trilogy before I go back to it.

I am suffering a bit of stage fright. It’s really all me now. Jared will be gone, we are “mostly” done with the moving. Now I have to write, a lot. I am going to try to get involved at church and in yoga classes to keep my mind and body energized. I’ m really upset that I killed my camera. The lenses are still good but the body is dead and its going to be expensive to replace. It will defiantly not happen before Christmas or my birthday, I don’t think combining both would justify the price tag but I’m going to try to forgo spending my monthly allowance to help.

Okay that is more than enough rambling for now. I love my house, miss my people and am trying to be brave and believe in me. It’s a tall order but what else is worth so much?

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5 responses »

  1. Sounds a lot like when you moved to New Mexico…but you have already found your ‘family’ so hpefullyit will go easer this time.
    I know what you mean about the ‘first three chapters thing’…I have been in the same place with chpt. 12 for some time now…eventually I will move past it or accept it the way it is. Just haven’t quite gotten there yet.
    In the meantime…give yourself plenty of time to acclimate and explore. I know you are guilting yourself for not writing constantly…but if you try to force it you will be back in the edit/rewriting mess all over again. KInd of think of it like when you sit down with a blank sketch book and just ‘let it happen.’ Doesn’t always have to be worth sving but the practice is well worth the effort.

  2. When we moved to our new house, Sam changed a bit for the better, I guess because it was brand new, not like the rental where Jasper and Molly had established THEIR territory and he was the intruder. I bet Sandy is in the same boat, and it might be why he’s adjusting so well.

    This is an adventure, and even though I know your inside is screaming for structure, it might be nice to rearrange some things rather than falling into the same old pattern. I like the idea of starting a new project, as long as it inspires you and satisfies your creative urges the sky is the limit!

    • Yeah I think that is true, Sandy seems so happy. I think I am going to take a break from the first novel, I’m just sick of looking at it and I don’t feel happy or productive when I work on it. So I’ll put it aside for now and pick at a few other things instead.

  3. I can relate to that self-guilt thing. I’ve been busily NOT writing for almost a month now… A little here, a little there, but not like I feel like I should be. I’m just in a sticky place and it’s hard to move forward quickly. Some days I feel like I’m ‘wasting my time’ here by not writing 6 hours a day like I was for the first month or so, but I also know I can’t make the words come any faster than they come. Otherwise it will be crap. SO…I write what I can, do other things that need to be done, get out a little and explore, and in general try not to be too hard on myself. But I still feel guilty.

    I know that you’re doing what you need to do, and you have to trust yourself with that as well. You’ve had a huge, life-altering shakedown the last few weeks- its understandable not to have your feet under you still. I agree that it’s time for you to take a break from the first novel. When you were writing it, you had a million things to say about it, but lately…not so much. That tells me you’re burning out on it a bit. Come back to it fresh, once you’ve got the energy for it and have gotten some of the other things in your head out onto ‘paper.’ That’s the best choice, I think.

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