I think that the transitional seasons (spring and fall) are my favorites. There is something in the air, a charge of anticipation of things to come. When I was a child the fall was magical, giant leaf piles to play in and vegetables of every kind. Pumpkins and camel apples appeared on porches and at gatherings for no apparent reason.
There is something wonderful about the seasons and their ability to remind me of change. Just like the earth, I am ever-changing; growing and dying, over and over again. This fall I choose to let parts of me sleep. I choose to let my teaching skills rest and my love of children become dormant so I can allow new possibilities in my life.
I have been so blessed with a husband who supports my dreams and goals. I can only pursue them with joy and energy to thank him. This house is so quiet. It is hard for me to remember the last time I was so quiet. I have spent the last seven years of my life happily running around, teaching, falling in love and crafting a life. Now I find, I need to rest, I need to understand the motivations within and give myself a chance to explore my passions.
I know I have a very blessed and unconventional life. Happily married with no children. But I know that I have needed the space, I have needed the time to work on me. To figure out how to do this thing called life. And now at the beginning of my thirties I think I’m starting to get it. And its more about love than money, its more about joy than tradition, its more about peace than a life long “to do” list.
I can’t say that my dreams will turn out the way that I want them too. Or that I can see the future of my relationships, but I do know that I can choose to be happy, I can choose to be kind and that is the person that I want to be. I wan to smile at children and play with animals, I want to feel small standing in the middle of creation. I want to love so much my heart stretches, be so awed that I can’t speak.
It is funny, when I look back on my college plans. I knew who I was going to be, what I was going to do and how long it would take me to do so. I was so certain that the world would work the way that I intended it to, and for many years it did. But I find that I don’t want to map it all out anymore. I want to live this day the best that I can and then worry about tomorrow. Because it doesn’t matter it me if I get tomorrow if I had to hurt someone or myself to get there.
So…What is this ramble about? Fall, a time of change, for me, for nature, for all of us if we choose it.