And the snow came down


What do you do when the world around you is happy and bright, people are excited and jolly and you are…not. This is the place I find myself  in. I thought putting up the tree would help but its shocking lack of packages makes it seem all the more bare. I tried playing Christmas music but it either got on my nerves or made me sad, so I turned it off. I broke down and actually baked a cake. For me this is the last resort when I comes to holiday cheer. I usually conjure up images of my sister and mom baking cookies and it makes me happy but this time it all went lop-sided. Instead of making me happy I got really sad and wanted to eat half the cake (which is why I  don’t bake very much).

So what do you do with the holiday season when all your cheer has run in the other direction. I think it started with me letting go of the picture in my head of how my Christmas “should” be. In stead of being at home, I’m going to be with my best friend and her adorable husband. I know that I will find laughter, good food and probably a few tears.

Second I had to find s ways to help myself instead of sitting a round the house bemoaning the fact that I don’t care about finding presents for people or mailing them on time. So this morning I took myself to the gym, did a yoga class, had a smoothie and went to a second yoga class. By no means am I implying that yoga will solve your seasonal or life sucks right now depression  but doing something you love will. Even if you don’t feel like it GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!

Thirdly I remind myself that though I love Christmas it is just another day when plied against the rest. It is no more sad or depressing that it is not going my way than on any other day if I choose to keep it in perspective.

Why might you ask am I writing all this? this year has taught me to be kinder to those who won’t be with their families, who are dealing with loss or depression, people who are reminded moment by moment that a roof over their children’s heads is the only gift they can provide. I wanted to let these people know that I understand and you don’t have to let it destroy you. I’m not saying that it is not hard, or heart breaking, just that you are a valuable person and being here is important, loving yourself might just be the greatest gift you ever gave yourself or your family. All things change and pass in time, your life is so much greater than this moment, take courage in this, it will not go on forever. But you deserve to go on past and though this and you can.


5 responses »

    • Thanks, I do feel a little better. I have never really taken a moment before to stop and think about all those who are not having an easy time this time of year and for the first time I have am idea of what it can feel like to be hurting and hopeless and how much that can hurt when you are surrounded by joy and people who seem to be unaffected by such things. It felt right to acknowledge my own struggles and those of the people around me.

  1. No matter the cause, the ‘cure’ for this kind of blues is to get out and do something for someone else… and the more annonymus the better. There is something about being able to silently bless someone else, even if its just a note sent to say they are appreciated and why…specifically not just some randon ‘you’re a nice joe’ thing…that lifts our spirit. When we truly focus on those around us instead of our own problems and woes…not only do we feel better, but we positively affect those around us.

  2. You are so right- loving yourself is the very best gift you can give to the people who love you. I don’t care if it takes a lifetime of no Christmas presents, I’d rather see you love you and be happy than anything else in all the world. The people who love you hurt when you hurt, rejoice when you rejoice, ache for you, and celebrate with you. To share that joy and love with you is the ultimate prize.

  3. I’m fairly certain there’s a few people in Tally who would LOVE to spend the holidays with you 🙂

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