What do you do when the world around you is happy and bright, people are excited and jolly and you are…not. This is the place I find myself in. I thought putting up the tree would help but its shocking lack of packages makes it seem all the more bare. I tried playing Christmas music but it either got on my nerves or made me sad, so I turned it off. I broke down and actually baked a cake. For me this is the last resort when I comes to holiday cheer. I usually conjure up images of my sister and mom baking cookies and it makes me happy but this time it all went lop-sided. Instead of making me happy I got really sad and wanted to eat half the cake (which is why I don’t bake very much).
So what do you do with the holiday season when all your cheer has run in the other direction. I think it started with me letting go of the picture in my head of how my Christmas “should” be. In stead of being at home, I’m going to be with my best friend and her adorable husband. I know that I will find laughter, good food and probably a few tears.
Second I had to find s ways to help myself instead of sitting a round the house bemoaning the fact that I don’t care about finding presents for people or mailing them on time. So this morning I took myself to the gym, did a yoga class, had a smoothie and went to a second yoga class. By no means am I implying that yoga will solve your seasonal or life sucks right now depression but doing something you love will. Even if you don’t feel like it GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!
Thirdly I remind myself that though I love Christmas it is just another day when plied against the rest. It is no more sad or depressing that it is not going my way than on any other day if I choose to keep it in perspective.
Why might you ask am I writing all this? this year has taught me to be kinder to those who won’t be with their families, who are dealing with loss or depression, people who are reminded moment by moment that a roof over their children’s heads is the only gift they can provide. I wanted to let these people know that I understand and you don’t have to let it destroy you. I’m not saying that it is not hard, or heart breaking, just that you are a valuable person and being here is important, loving yourself might just be the greatest gift you ever gave yourself or your family. All things change and pass in time, your life is so much greater than this moment, take courage in this, it will not go on forever. But you deserve to go on past and though this and you can.