I remember those deluded days when I had a “plan.” I knew who I was going to be and how I was going to achieve it. It was the basic model, always the conservative one with big requests of my life, it went something like this: Finish college and start teaching (22), get married (24), have no more than two kids (26-30). Live happily ever after and love teaching for the rest of my life.
As you can imagine that is not quiet how it went. I did graduate, start teaching, fall in love and get married by 26, that’s when the path diverged a bit. I know now that I do love high school students and would be happy working with them for the rest of my life but I’d don’t know so much about public school. I’m not saying all schools are like my old one but it left a bitter taste in my mouth for bureaucracy.
As for kids, well we just never got around to it. Neither of us being the kind to rush into huge life changing decisions, we decided to wait. At this point our lived don’t have much room for children, though I’m not writing them off until 36, so I have a few years to work with.
I decided I wanted to be a writer and wrote a huge book. Now I have to make it into something marketable and realistic. It doesn’t help that I am not an “English” person and make lots of elementary mistakes that become frustrating to edit and re-edit over and over. And I never dreamed the transitioning to working at home would be so hard. I always thought of myself as some what social and have come to find that I need the social part of my life much more than I realized.
So what do I know that all of these “not so much the plan” turns happened. In some corner of your life you must nurture what you love. You must continue to dream and believe in those dreams be they big or small. You have to be kind to yourself, change in any form or for any reason does not happen over night, not if it’s the lasting kind any way. You have to respect and love yourself when you don’t feel like it and when others don’t believe you deserve it. Only you will love and be with you your whole life, everyone one else is a temporary blessing.
I hope this year holds more love, from me to me and me to others. I hope this year is one of strength and empowerment. I hope this year leaves me with a sense of accomplishment and respect for myself at the end of the day. But most of all I hope this year is one I look back on and know that I was me, authentic, real and honest every step of the way.