So after two crazy weeks of moving and starting a new job, I think I am settling a bit. I took today to re-arrange my room, start some laundry and do the bills. It’s hard to say that I feel “at home” I don’t think that term will apply for some time but I do feel loved and welcome and those go a long way to making up the difference.
On a moments notice, my wonderful best friend opened her home to me so that I could have something resembling a Christmas. Then then things go worst she offered her spare room. I should mention that she is married and her husband has been just as supportive of me being here and in a safe and loving place (thanks Mark you’re awesome!). She went out of her way to put in a good word for me at her work and basically handed me a job when I got here. I like my job and I’m doing my best to get better at it everyday.
I should also mention the other big love/support in my life and that is Ben (he’s the gray cat in the photo). Ben and I have been together for almost eight years, since he was 6 weeks old. For those of you who have not been blessed with the love of an animal I don’t think I can explain the friendship we have. But for all of you who do, he’s one of the constants in my life that keeps me sane. I have had many a friend who have had an animal help them through loss, depression and loneliness and I thank Ben for being there for me.
Rebecca (BF) and I have decided to do 30min of yoga together every morning before work. It is nice to exercise before 8hrs at a desk. We have also decided to try to lose weight/ eat healthy together. This excludes dinner because Mark can really eat and needs the big food. But during the week we are doing the slim fast thing and packing healthy snacks for ourselves. I don’t really know what I way right now but I know that with the change inactivity unless I want to gain I need to keep an eye on it.
I wish I could say that I am being kind to myself but I don’t really know. I go to work and I come home. There is something kind about getting lost in the work but there is another part of me that knows that all those things that I am not “thinking” about will eventually have to be delta with.
To put your minds at ease, I was not nor an in any kind of physical danger. But there are many things (which I’m sure some of you know) that are just as volatile and killing to your spirit as being hit. I don’t know that I am handling the changes in my life in the “best” way, but then I have never been here before either.
I wish that I could remember that when I mess up at work, or cry when I see how happy my best friend and her husband are, but I don’t always get there. In the mean time I remind myself that it has ONLY been two weeks, who figures out how to change their life in two weeks?
So for now I am with people who love me, doing something productive with my time and figuring out how to breathe again. I know that it will all be okay in time, I just have to remember to love myself in the mean time; and I did a little of that today sitting with my cat and enjoying the space that I have made beautiful just for me.