bad dreams

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I wake, my heart uncertain and afraid. I was dreaming a moment ago. But somehow what should have been pleasant turned dark, my heart affecting the interpenetration.

I don’t know how to feel, when the reference has changed; when I have no guide lines to follow.  I hate this fear and yet it seems the only thing that keeps me safe. If I don’t trust you, you can’t hurt me any more. But if I don’t trust you there will be no any more.

I thought I was doing better- and I am, but there are still huge holes in my life. It is foolish to think that I can ignore/ insta-fix them. I cannot give up half of my hear so easily.

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