Two days ago I work up with a achie ear. I am not prone to issues with my ears so I thought of all the “other” things it could be. But by the end of the day we were swinging by the drug store on the way home from work to pick up something which helped me to sleep but it came back the next day.

So Yesterday I went to the Dr after work and he said I dont’ have an ear infection, I have lock-jaw (TMJ) and I’m clenching my teeth too hard at night. I told him that my teeth also hurt and that I was going to the dentist soon.

Why- you ask- am telling you about my teeth? It made me think about my approach to sickness in general. In this case I went outside the pattern and went to the Dr before I was in lots of pain and stopped at moderate pain. I have often thought about how I handle or not, begin sick.

When I was a child I don’t ever remember going to the Dr. I did go to the ER once but then I didn’t go to the dentist either. So I have a small life time of suck it up and deal . Which is not the best option.I have spent most of my life say things like “I’m not sick I just have allergies” this sis my mother coming straight out of my mouth. She does have lots of allergies but I don’t so very small cold, irritated throat gets lumped into the “no so serious stop whining about it” pile. And the funny thing is, I’m not a whiner any way. I hate going on about my own crap because a- I’ve heard it before and b- I’m sure no on else wants to hear about it either. I never would have had surgery on my knee if my husband had not looked at me hobbling around and said “that’s not right.”

In the broader scheme of my life I think this lack of  care for my basic needs fed into a lot of other issues that I gathered along the way.  I wonder why some of us end up feeling as if caring for our selves is wrong or should be put off? I get the obvious fear of bills but the more logical part of me wonders  is it better to put it off and end up in the ER instead of a 50$ DR’s visit? How much is our health and well-being really worth?

I was encouraged though that I did go to the Dr sooner and I did it because I wanted to be good to me. So there’s a little growth going on. Over the years I have worked hard to learn what it means to love me out side of anything else. So here’ s to me learning to be kind because it’s the right thing to do not just a medical necessity.


4 responses »

  1. A- Good for you for taking care of yourself. That’s important.
    B- I know exactly where you’re coming from. I spent almost all of my childhood/teens/early twenties being too broke to go to doctors unless I was at death’s door. Hence scarlet fever when I was 6, not having my wisdom teeth out ’till I was 28, and my vast repertoire of home remedies. Even now, I almost feel guilty for going to a doctor if I think I can suck it up and cope on my own.

  2. My husband has been telling me to go see a doctor for over a month now, and I have persisted with my own stubbornness. So I can definately relate. I do have allergies, but when claritan and sudafed just aren’t helping – I have to admit the possibility that what I am suffering through is not allergy related. Thank you for putting my confusing stubbornness and refusal to take care of myself into words. I sincerely hope you feel better soon, and I’ll be calling my doctor today.

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