Lost between grief and fear.
I hear myself calling from the other side
But I cannot reach me.
All the dreams I so carefully placed,
All the bravado people believed, were lies.
I am not doing well, I have not learned to cope,
I have learned to be silent and smile.
It is apparent, in this moment without distractions
That my life is still empty, that my heart has not healed.
I question my own ability to thrive
And the desire to do so.
Where is the girl I left behind?
Where is the woman confident in her purpose?
Where is the wonder my life held long before I met you?
From where I stand they are but dying embers.
How do I rekindle my dreams,
Do I let them burn to cold ash, hoping that something new will come?
Do I follow old dreams and see if there is any life left in them?
Do I let them pass, fearing the consequence of choice?
There are no answers but the ones in my bruised heart and battered mind.
I don’t remember how to be kind to myself,
I don’t remember what is it to love myself.
I survive, trying to breathe and sleep at night.
A S 2011