The shutter

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I am breathing again…but only as such.

My heart shutters and tries to rouse itself from this long sleep

But my will casts the spell to keep it dormant.

I fear my heart, I fear being alive.

Learning to accept joy, trust and love again.

I know the spell I cast cannot last.

I feel my heart stir no matter how powerfully

I speak the words to silence it.

One day I will wake and find myself again in the world of the living-

Trusting some part of myself to another.

But for now I stay safe, I stay asleep.

AC 2012

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