Passion and Play: getting out there

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I started taking Latin dance classes about 3-4 months ago at the studio across from my apartment complex here in Valdosta. There were a lot of reason’s that pushed me towards doing something besides work for 8hrs a day every day. I needed the social interaction, the exercise but more than those things I needed to have fun and remember that I was alive.

So I started taking Salsa and Bachata. Though they have similar moves they could not be more different in attitude and music. Salsa is technical, fast and athletic. Bachata is slower (though it can be fast), has more styling for the women and is very sexy. Normally I would have shied away from the latter but I didn’t quit know what I was getting into at first and then I was hooked on it so I just have to deal with my issues. Which is why I love my dance classes so much. It gives me a safe place to learn to trust people and myself again and realize that I can be sexy and it’s not the end of the world.

I know that may sound strange to some of you but I was raised very conservatively and spoken and not it was very clear that if you enjoyed being attractive or getting attention that you were a bad person. Even in college I avoided situations were I would be noticed. I didn’t hate myself but based on a lot of other stuff I thought that it was batter to watch and choose who saw me than run into the limelight and have toe pay the price of being seen.

So now I find myself here…a 30 something, divorced, who is so ready to be over the “shy girl” thing but I”m not. If anything the tumultuous end of my marriage left me feeling even more insecure about myself. So I jumped, I had never taken a dance class before in my life. I was not a social dancer in high school or college. I learned the fox trot for my wedding off a DVD and that was the extent of it. And I am so glad that I did.

Not only do I love dancing b/c it challenges me mentally and physically. I love that there is a place I go and laugh, cheer and get frustrated with myself twice a week. I have off days and forget that I’m learning and I am so grateful to my classmates and teachers who don’t let me give up and encourage me to keep going.

I have not been moved up into the intermediate/advanced versions of both of the dances that I am taking. I would by no means says that I am as good as my class mates (all of them have been dancing for a while) but I am better than I used to be. And I’m still challenging myself and not settling for okay. Like to-night, we were supposed to work on some styling while we did our moves. I didn’t quiet get to the styling so I have assigned myself homework to get comfortable with it so when I go to class on Wednesday I have a better chance of at least giving it a go with a partner.

To that end of getting better and challenging myself; I have agreed to go with some classmates to Jacksonville to visit another studio and go to their dance part on Saturday. I am actually a bit scared but that is b/c I don’t trust myself. I know that I have the basic stuff down and I should have a little confidence in what I can do. I am hoping to have the chance to get to know my classmates a little better and have some fun. I thought that it was important to write about this now as opposed to post b/c I don’t often celibate those moments when I have done something brave and good for me. I usually shrug and think something like “well you should have been doing that all along,” quickly followed by “it all going to go bad,” never giving myself the recognition that I was unhappy with my life and did something about it. I said I wanted to do something besides work and I am. I wanted to meet people and try to make some friendships here I have the opportunity to do so.

I’m not saying it will all be roses. I will at the very least have blistered feet and a nice chunk of humble pie. But I also might have a new friend and realize that all my hard work has amounted to something. Something that I love to do. So here’s me standing on the edge totally jumping.

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