Okay so I think this will be my last move for 8 months to a year. When I look back over the past year it has been one hung change after another. First I moved last Sept from Tx (where I had loved for 4 yrs) to Charlottesville Virgina. In Nov my mom was diagnosed with cancer and I flew home to be with her for two weeks and spent Thanks giving with her and my sister.
I came home and my life as a knew it fell apart and I moved out in Jan to live with my best friend in Hahira GA. I lived with her until May when I moved in with a co-worker. I lived with Laura until Labor-day weekend when I moved into my own place!!!
My life has settled down quiet a bit since then. My personal life is 89% sorted and my mom is doing amazing and well on the way to recovery. My cat (Ben) no longer hisses, growls or cries all the time. My other cat (Sandy) has only thrown up once since we moved and he had been up to two times a week not to long ago. The improvement in their comfort and disposition warms my heart.
I have really enjoyed seeming all of my things again. I forgot how when you see your personality reflected in the things around you there is a sense of “I belong here” that naturally goes with it. In its own way it is quiet telling that for the better part of a year I have in very real terms felt homeless. Not that I was not loved or cared for but that there was no possibility of permanence in the places that I have been.
Now I feel the opportunity to be expansive not just physically but in the ability to let my guard down and just be me, what ever that looks like. I get up at 7 am because I like too. I work out for an hour because I want to. I have a quiet time because I need to and then I shower and start my day.
I know it is not the life for everyone, quiet and full of cats but it is the life I choose for myself. For too many years i was not strong enough and then when I was I chose to give it up for something I though I wanted more. Now I find myself re-learning how to live on my own and I can say I’m proud that at each turn though hard or frightening I keep on going.
I keep fighting for the life I know I want and deserve and will have again; with or without someone else in it. I have come to realize that the main component that matters is me. If I am calm and dedicated to my goals the rest will follow in its own good time.
So here’s to all of us that life shook up and said “try a different path” weather we thought we wanted it or not and made the best of it; keeping our harts warm as we learn to live again.
A few weeks ago I posted about my living room and the lack of readiness for furniture, so I organized and cleaned and the furniture still did not arrive. My husband and I looked around and just couldn’t find the “right” pieces. Then we changed gears and started looking for a matching set of chairs and a separate chair and given the space that we have .
This what it looks like now, we’re going to get a rug but that is easy.
I was happy to take a much-needed hot bath this morning. Then I sat on the kitchen floor and ate a bowl of cereal with my husband looking out the French doors over our new back yard. The cats were bustling about, complaining about their captivity.
There is something about this part of the country that makes me feel at home. I don’t know if it is the rolling hills, farmhouses and barns, or the abundance of nature. Normally when I move I don’t have the sense that the area or town is my “home” for a while. I have to learn roads and meet people, get everything organized; but not this time. Maybe I am more adjusted or used to moving, but last night was the first time that I haven’t woke up in the night and not known where I was. This has always happened to me in the past.
Of course Jared is with me and that makes a huge difference. When I moved to New Mexico I was by myself, and when we moved to Fort Worth he had to go back right after we got unpacked. But this time we get to do it all together and that makes me very happy. Now all I have to do is wait on the moving truck. The cable guy is already here checking our jacks and hooking us up but I think we have to wait on the router for a week or so. But we’ll see things are moving along.
Wow what a crazy wonderful day! We did get internet! So the gap I was expecting turned out to be non-existent. About fifteen minutes after the cable guy left the big truck arrived. From that point on the day is a blur. We got the kitchen, bedroom, living room and bathroom all unpacked. That leaves the two offices and general tidying for today.
Part of what makes the process interesting is that we have to figure out how this is all going to work in the new space. I was right to think that most of our large furniture was not going to work in this house. I’m so glad that we donated it before we moved. Still it was interesting watching them move the big futon to the second story.
Today (Wednesday) should be a little easier. The cats seem to be adjusting well. Yesterday once we got the bed together we let them out of the basement. I returned to the bedroom to find all three cats huddled on their island of “sameness” at lest they knew it was our bed. Right now I am sitting on the second floor in my box filled office and all three of them are at my feet (well Ben is sitting on the desk top). They have taken to following us around. It’s kinda sweet.
Well I should get to work, got a lot to do today.
We left around 7:30 am from Ft. Worth to travel 12hrs to Alabama. I dutifully gave the cats their medication and loaded them into the car. For the first hour or so they cried and then gave into the hopelessness of a car ride. Jared lovingly got them out one at a time and gave them a few pets, getting completely fluffed in the process.
We arrived in Alabama around 9pm with little fan fare. Jared’s grandmother Carolyn is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Then had a very late dinner, sequestered the cats in the laundry room and carted ourselves to bed. The next day we enjoyed resting and spending time with Carolyn, sharing stories and cooking.
Sunday we attended church with her. It was nice and the choir did a great job. We came home and started prepping for the next morning’s departure (5am). We got everything together and loaded what we could.
The next morning Jared and I woke up extra early. We got everything packed and ready. We had a quick breakfast with Carolyn and then were on the road. Ben decided that it would be a great idea to not only eat his “treat” but Sandy’s as well. He was really out of it for about three hours. Inner eye lids half closed, rolling around in his carrier. Don’t try this at home! Aside from Ben’s antics it went pretty well. Mp. P was not thrilled about a second day in the car but eventually they gave up and settled in.
We arrived in Charlottesville around 6:30 pm that night. The manager had left the house open for us and keys inside. We dropped our stuff and put the cats in the washroom for now. They don’t eat or drink very much when they travel so it’s important to put them in a quiet place so they will take care of themselves.
We inflated the air mattress and pulled out the sheets and blanket we had dutifully stowed. After all the basics were covered we walked through the house, looking to see if out plans for the furniture would work and if we needed to get anything that night. We remembered it mostly like it is and sans one shower curtain we were good to go.
So we left the cats to guard the house and trotted out to find food and a Target. After dinner we realized that we didn’t get the rings that hold the shower curtain in place, but we thought “hey we do baths,” unfortunately the hot water heater was not turned on yet. With a little investigating we found the breaker box and kicked it on. But that meant no warm showers right away.
After an exhausting day of travel and cats, all I really wanted was sleep. Jared insisted on sleeping with the windows open. At first I was hesitant, but as the sound of crickets filled our room I relaxed and drifted off into some well deserved sleep.
As I have mentioned before, I am about to be unavailable for a week or so. I will do my best to find a public library or cafe’ that will let me use the internet. In the mean time, I will be unable to do daily posts while unpacking.
The other semi important note is that while in Costa Rica I killed my camera. I think the lenses are fine but I got the body o the camera wet and it’s not working. I plan to find a camera shop and take it in and to get a warranty on my next one. Lesson learned.
I am very excited about driving to Virgina tomorrow. It has been a few weeks and the image of the house in my head is fuzzy. Jared has a little digital camera so I will be able to take some shots and will be uploading them as I am able. It feels odd, I feel more like I am on vacation than moving, except the cats are with us. Having no moving truck and a moderate amount of stuff.
Last night I couldn’t sleep very well, plagued with thoughts about the new house. I am uneasy about the fact that it has been over a month since I have written anything and I can’t see anything happening for at least another two weeks, until we are settled. But there are a lot of possibilities before me. I really want to take some actual grammar/ structure classes to improve my writing. I have a small amount of personal cash a month and I think that I will be using some of it to that end.
There are a lot of humming birds here and I wish that I could take pictures of them to show you. Jared’s grandmother lives on a beautiful lake in Alabama. It is nice to spend a few days resting before we hit it road again tomorrow at 5am. The goal is to get there in time to have the property manager open the house for us. The cats will spend the first night or so in the wash room downstairs so that they can get acquainted with the new house.
The furniture and stuff should arrive Tuesday/Wednesday and then Jared is going on a retreat that weekend. But I think it will be fine. I am a manic unpack-er and won’t be happy until 99% of it is put away anyway.
When I think about my new office I get a warm fuzzy feeling. There are two windows that fill the room with light and make the space feel open and inviting. I can’t wait to see my desk in there and start making it my own.
Well I think that is about all for now. Here’s hoping you hear from me sooner instead of later.
There is a small child inside of me who can’t stand the sight of packed boxes, only to be outdone by the emptiness of a colorless structure that is supposed to be a home. Today this thirty year old woman crumbled, I walked into the kitchen after hours of being on the porch (to stay out-of-the-way) and was hit by the unexpected anxiety and fear.
The adult in me is excited and thrilled about this move, the child is terrified and some where in the middle is the truth. One day moving will not be tied to my past, one day I will know that I have worked hard to make my life a stable place, one day I will love myself enough to be kind when I see that small child staring back at me, afraid.
But today I am still shaken, afraid that she is here. Today I am disappointed that I am not stronger, today it is hard to remember how to be kind, to myself, my husband and that small child.
okay bad news, I will be off line for about a week due to disconnections here and reconnection there. It will be a week from Monday before it is all hooked up. I hope to find free or steal-able wi-fi in the mean time. I really apologize for the break in communication but there is not much I can do.